At some point we're going to have to deal with population control. Too many young people are somehow surviving their first serving of sweet potatoes and growing into teenagers, at which point they get on dad’s data plan and start texting OMG to anybody younger than twenty with a phone and a set of Pokémon playing cards.
I know it's harsh, but in 2023, for effective teenage population control, we may have to take a look at basements. If you've ever watched a teenage slasher movie you know the largest body count is always in the basement. Basements are like doom magnets for teenagers.
But if you're in an area with a particularly heavy infestation of teenagers you may have to go with an abandoned cabin in the woods. You know, the place where cool kids sneak off to, pop open a keg, and build a bonfire. Which If you're a slasher is a little slice of heaven, pun intended. All you gotta do is wait for a couple of them to get horny enough to wander off and start necking. It's a veritable slasher buffet. So many victims, so little time.
The goal here is not to eliminate teenagers, I mean somebody's got to deliver pizza and provide bad service at the local burger joint and guess what, teenagers are really good at that. I mean if we get rid of all teenagers who's gonna eventually drive for Uber? So the operative word here is control. Just keep the population down to a manageable level. It's good for the environment
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