So it's come to my attention that many of you served sweet potato dishes to your holiday guests, dishes defined in 107 countries as a crime against humanity, and you justify this because it's your “grandma's recipe”.
Yeah, well your grandma probably wouldn't be allowed to cook in a gulag, they needed their prisoners alive, it made no sense to feed them a near-death experience.
Grandma's that serve revolting root vegetables probably also have a recipe for plant-based meats, which all by itself would qualify your Grandma for the FBI's “10 most wanted list”, right between Jeffrey Dahmer and Sponge Bob.
You see, plant-based meats are the weapon of choice for Grandmas and mad scientists. It's not your “grandma's recipe” it's a generational curse. Which brings me to fruitcakes.
My personal philosophy is that anything that can be a dessert OR a doorstop, your choice, should probably not be classified as an edible substance. Now I'm not sure who first created a recipe that mixes fruit and cake mix in specific ways so that if the kids don’t like it you can use it to club an enemy over the head with, but that was no cook.
Truth is, other than defending the kingdom in battle, a fruitcake has no nutritional purpose other than creating a class of people who will never have anything more to do with you after receiving it as a gift.
Although there is some strategic value in that.